The D Word...

I always thought that Hollywood couples had 0% chance of making it work and staying together- with the exception of one couple… I don’t know why I was so sure that they were different… maybe it was because I needed to believe- I needed to believe that people could change- that it was possible to be a womanizer and then to meet the right person and settle down and realize the error of one’s past and to do teshuva and to have a beautiful relationship and raise a happy healthy family… maybe it helped me believe that I could change- that I could do teshuva b/c if an actor could change than surely I could change… maybe I needed it to believe that it’s possible to become a new person…

And maybe that’s why the sex rehab hit home so hard… it was like oh wait maybe it’s not possible to change… maybe the man who has been inspiring me for about half my life didn’t make real changes- or maybe he tried and it’s a sign that it’s impossible to change and that everyone will eventually fall back into their old habits- that its not possible to overcome your own nature…

But then I remember what Rabbi Kelemen said- that that is true- if you don’t have Torah… without Torah you can’t really change… this is why someone who is an alcoholic will be an alcoholic for life- even if he hasn’t touched alcohol in 50 years- he still says “Hi I’m Ploni and I’m an alcoholic” but with Torah you really can change- we see that on Yom Kippur- Hashem promises us that if we make one tiny change the size of a pin than Hashem will open for us gates that wagons could pass through- Hashem will transform us- but the change has to be real- it means you can never go back to that act- ever- it means really changing.

It’s scary- I was so scared to take something on for Yom Kippur- b/c it has to be something that I can be sure that I will be able to never do again…but the change is real- you don’t hear about Baalei Tshuva going to support groups and proclaiming “hi I’m Shloimi and I’m assimilated” b/c he has changed- real change- he’s no longer the same person he was…

In other words if you want to be inspired by change- by someone truly changing it has to be someone who has truly changed ie someone who has Torah in their life… David couldn’t change- he could take a break from a bad habit- but he couldn’t truly change b/c he’s lacking the tools with which to do so…

And so apparently there is no exceptions to the rule- David and Tea are separated- the one couple that I thought was different- that I thought would make it- isn’t. But what I guess I have to realize is that it doesn’t mean that no one can make it- it just means that over half of marriages without Torah as their center end in divorce… it just means knowing which relationships to hold up as ideals… and it means being thankful for having Hashem’s guidelines for a healthy relationship in my life…

and basically as long as M&S don’t ever break up then I think I could manage…